Some posts from Jessica have given me the courage to share some difficult stories with you. There are two instances in particular that stand out in my mind as life changing. While both were terrible experiences, I learned something important from both of them, even if it took me a while to get to that point.
I debated sharing this story with you. It is something that very few people know about me. It was something that I avoided discussing for some time because I felt like it might reveal some kind of flaw in myself or my own judgment. However, the more that time passes, the more I realize that there is no way that I could have predicted or prevented the series of events. . .
PrequelD and I were so happy together. He and I had known each other for the better part of our lives and had shared so many things together. He had proposed with a beautiful ring and a poem about strings. . . the strings attached to his heart. It was all very romantic. I was also honored to wear his grandmother's engagement ring. There were two engagement rings from D on my finger. We were happy to share the news with our families, friends, neighbors, and co-workers.
We had just found the most adorable house in Roland Park and planned to write an offer for it. Things were looking bright for our future together.
Tuesday
D and I had a fantastic time at our ballroom dance class. I kept thinking to myself how good we are getting at the waltz and that we truly moved so well as a couple. I'm envisioning us being the envy of all of the other couples at charity events. . .
ThursdayD is sick. He told me that he is feeling so badly that he isn't going in to work. He does not sound terrible, but I noticed something strange in his voice. I sent him lots of well wishes and was close to taking chicken soup to his house.
Friday
I couldn't get in touch with D all day. His phone went straight to voice mail and no one answered at home or work. I was hoping that he was resting at home and getting over what ever little stomach bug had caught him. Little did I know what had really
"caught him."A friend, J, and I talked about plans for the evening and I mentioned to her that I couldn't get in touch with D. I asked if she would try to locate him since her boyfriend lived just around the corner from D and that if she could and he was feeling up to it, that we could do something later that evening.
J did make contact with D. The conversation went a little bit like this. . .
J: Hi D, what are you doing?
D: I'm at the Mt. Washington Tavern with my WIFE.
J: C'mon D, don't be silly! What are you doing? Do you and Bethany want to do something later?
D: No, seriously, J, I'm with my wife.
J: Oh, with Bethany?
D: No.Two minutes later J gets a text message from D with the hand of a female wearing a ring.
He really
was with his wife, and it wasn't me.
I couldn't believe it, but the hand and ring didn't lie. D's mother and I got along and I was in such disbelief that I called her. Probably not my finest moment, but I attribute my actions to being in shock. Talk about shock. . . His mother had no idea that her only son was now married to the woman she had described with colorful language. She told me that it had to be a mistake and that she would get to the bottom of it. Ten minutes later, we spoke again and she confirmed what I already knew was true. He had gotten married to another woman at 3:50 p.m. at the Baltimore County Courthouse without the knowledge of his parents, closest friends, and, oh that's right, his fiancee.
It was something out of a book or movie. These things never happen in real life. It was one of the rainiest nights I can remember. One of the most vivid images from that night is the rain streaming down the windows. I just sat by the windows and watched the rain; in disbelief about what had just happened.
I cried. A lot. I kept replaying the events in my mind and wondered what had happened. I doubted myself.
A week later, I went to return his grandmother's ring to her in person. We both cried. She is a lovely woman and I truly miss her and his entire family. It was a real sense of loss for me. His mother and I still exchange Christmas cards and I think of his family often.
But as a friend told me, I "dodged a bullet."
Once I asked a friend Holly if she thought that people could change and she sent me a quote from Maya Angelou. Later, my friend Sandy posted the same quote.
Maya Angelou:
"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." D showed me and his friends who he really was. He chose to get married in secret at a courthouse just before it closed. He chose to ignore my phone calls. He decided not to share whatever was happening in his life with me. Whatever the circumstances were, he showed a lack of character in his actions and behaved like a sneaky coward. I forgive D for what he did even though I don't understand it; but I cannot ever forget it.
Life constantly moves forward and it is important to learn through every life experience, no matter how easy or difficult it may be.
It feels good to write my story. It's a very healing, cleansing feeling.
From the
Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Main Entry: ca·thar·sis
Pronunciation: \kə-ˈthär-səs\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural ca·thar·ses \-ˌsēz\
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek katharsis, from kathairein to cleanse, purge, from katharos
Date: circa 1775
1 : purgation
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expressionxoxo